i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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