Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
