genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
