Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
