Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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