I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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