Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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