just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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