We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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