And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
