Your tits are I can't wait for
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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