Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
