New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
