even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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