Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
