I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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