I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
