I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
