I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
