I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
handjob tips. give me some.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
