Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
