You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
