I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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