i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
