The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
