Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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