I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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