"it" just moved
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
