I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
