I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
