My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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