i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
