oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
