OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up under a house in Key West
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
