He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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