He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
