I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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