im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
