The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
