She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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