and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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