we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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