You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize