Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize