your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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