Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
