you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
