no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
