I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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