I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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