Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
