I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
