I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
