I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
